Now that you have read the title (I assume...), think about it as you are reading. If you do you will be able to analyze, and perhaps recognize ways you can improve your own relationships. So let's dive in!
The R.a.m Plan:
What is The R.a.m Plan? Above here you see one of the best tools to determine how you are doing in your relationship. Each column signifies your level of bonding in that specific area. There is one rule to this image above: "Never go further in one bonding area than you have gone in the previous."
Why would this be a rule? Well say you fully commit to someone before you really know them; this will put a person in a dangerous position. There are many examples that can show the problems that come when these 5 bonding areas get out of balance.
John Vann Epp stated, "The balance of all five bonding dynamics determines the healthiness of your relationship and the clarity of your perspective on your partner." Having this balance will assist you in choosing your future spouse wisely. I feel that if this was understood and applied many people would avoid much heartache, and pain caused from getting out of balance in one or more areas above.
My eyes have been opened to the wisdom of the RAM plan. Lets consider someone who does the RAM plan backwards. I will make up a scenario. Bob went on a date with Susie. Bob and Susie kiss on the first date (touch). This of course was exciting because Susie was attracted to Bob, and thought he was cool. She felt that she was committed to him now that they kissed. They go on a second date, and kiss again. While Susie feels that there is a commitment Bob perhaps feels there is not commitment. Over time Susie sees that Bob is treating her badly, but it is difficult to leave the relationship because they are physically attached. It becomes a very unhealthy relationship based on the physical. There are other instances where we could say that a person commits to, and is physically involved with another person when they do not even know the other individual, this can be dangerous and could even lead to physical abuse.
It is interesting how "touch" is the last lever, and knowing the person is the first. If we are to keep our minds clear enough to really get to know a person we need to limit the physical touch. Anyone who has been in a relationship and has kissed, held hands etc. knows that you literally become dumber, and cannot think as clearly. When we learn to control our physical appetites we will be able to make wiser decisions that we will not regret later.
I love this statement, "You must keep an equal involvement of your heart and mind. A healthy premarital relationship and a choice of a partner you won't regret require input from both the head and the heart...Healthy love is not blind, because the heart and mind are in sync with each other."
The first lever is knowing, why is it so important to know someone? I think Elder Holland makes a good point here, "There are many qualities you will want to look for in a friend or a serious date-to day nothing of a spouse and eternal companion-but surely among the first and most basic of those qualities will be those of care and sensitivity toward others, minimum of self-centeredness that allows compassion and courtesy to be evident. There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook, I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command-such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them."
I have known people who have become more attractive in my eyes because of who they are, and how they treat others. These qualities are lasting even into the eternities.
We are God's children, and as his children we can be self-disciplined in order to establish healthy relationships. I know that the Lord wants us to make wise choices, and when we choose to slowly pace our relationships we will be better able to make wise, and informed decisions. As we do these things we will develop a deeper and longer lasting love for the person of our choice.
I'll end with this , "Do you want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is tho only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way "never faileth". -Elder Holland
Application: Think about or answer this question: What can I improve upon in my relationship?
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