All families have differing ways of communicating. Some ways may include non-verbal looks, and body language. Some things may cause us to laugh as we look back and remember...what look did your parents give you when you said something out of line? What did that look tell you?
Communication styles many times are taught to us by our parents. In some families people may communicate a lot through physical contact, such as hugs, kisses on the cheek, latching arms etc. My family was not too much this way, but we did have some physical contact. For example my Mother would often hug us, and give us kisses on the cheek; this told us that she cared about us. She would also tuck us into bed, and we loved this as kids. My Father also gives us hugs. My parents would give each other short kisses in front of us, to also show us that they loved each other. This helped us to feel secure, because we knew Mom and Dads marriage was stable. I think that physical touch is an important way of communicating love for one another. There have been studies done in the past with babies and their need for physical touch. They decided to not hold nor touch babies in one experiment for a few weeks. They found that the babies began to die because they did not have any physical contact. We likewise even as adults need that physical contact it helps us to flourish, and gives us a sense of security.
Non-verbal communication is huge in our families. We do not have to say anything for a message to get across. One non-verbal cue my family used was the shoulder shrug. This meant "I do not know." This is very common, and most everyone knows what this means. Another one you may see frequently is the raise of the eyebrows. One of my parents would do this when they disapproved of something we were doing. Sometimes just a witty smile can tell another that they are just teasing, or a kind smile can tell someone they feel for them. It is amazing and fascinating that we communicate in so many diverse ways.
Verbal communication combined with non-verbal communication can also be very powerful. When someone says they love you and give you a hug or touch your arm it means more, and seems more sincere. Non-verbal communication can really accent our verbal communication.
I remember vividly the look I got in my family when I crossed the line; it was a look of "if you say another word there will be consequences." This look was giving me negative feedback, telling me to stop the behavior; this helped me to know where the boundaries were in my home . There was also positive feedback, when I was doing my work, and my parents just gave me a quick hug, or big smile. The funny thing is I even find myself mimicking those same looks to my own roommates. Tone of voice was huge also, when one of my parents had a certain tone of voice we knew things were getting serious. Without noticing at times we tend to communicate similarly to the way our parents communicated with us growing up.
When we receive negative and positive feedback in regard to our behavior it can shape who we become. If my parents always gave me negative feedback when I did something good, I probably would stop doing good things over time. But when they give me positive feedback when I do good, I am more likely to continue that behavior. I remember one time when I drove to fast in a car, I told my parents and they were not happy. Ever since then I see driving fast in a car as a negative thing, and I know that my parents disapprove of it.
We need to pay attention to the positive or negative feedback we give to the people around us. Sometimes we give positive feedback to someone who really needs negative feedback. There was a time when I laughed at an inappropriate joke. I knew it was inappropriate but because of pressure I gave positive feedback by laughing which of course encouraged more of the behavior. It is so important to give negative and positive feedback where merited.
Even our Heavenly Father gives us feedback and correction yet does this in a constructive way. L Lionel Kendrick said, "Heavenly Father has given us a priceless gift in our capacity to communicate with each other. Our communications are at the core of our relationships with others. If we are to return home safely to Heavenly Father, we must develop righteous relationship with His children here it mortality. Our communications reflect in our countenance. Therefore, we must be careful not only what we communicate, but also how we do so. Souls can be strengthened or shattered by the message and the manner in which we communicate."
I will end with this, "May we be found communicating with each other in a manner in which the Savior would communicate. Christlike communications are expressed in tones of love rather than loudness. They are intended to be helpful rather than hurtful. They tend to bind us together rather than to drive us apart. they tend to build rather than to belittle."
Application: Self-evaluate the way you communicate, set goals to improve.
