What is intimacy?...and why should it matter to you? The longing for personal relationships is universal. Everyone has a need for intimacy. Intimacy is not limited to sexual relationships, Intimacy involves love, affection, caring and deep attachment to a friend, lover, spouse, or relative (Lauer pg.4). Healthy, fulfilled people operate from a base of intimacy (Lauer pg. 6).
Maintaining an intimate relationship with another does not consist of merely interacting with that individual, it requires sacrifice, time, and effort; for this reason we may solely identify a handful of people in our lives with whom we share these personal relationships.
Let me share some personal experiences. Our family is very tightly knit. This of course came with time, sacrifice, patient etc. We participated in activities that drew us close together. One of those was hiking. Once a year we would go up to the mountains and backpack for a couple days. It was a unifying activity because we were secluded from the outside world and all we had was one another to talk with. We joked around with each other, and enjoyed our time together. These times became moments of joy, and happiness. On one particular hike we were running out of water. Some of my siblings, and my parents gave up water, for us younger kids. This sacrifice showed the love they had for us. We at one point decided to say a prayer. Our prayer was later answered and we were able to find water. The hiking was hard, a challenge, but doing it together brought us intimately close. To this day even the memories shared with each other tie us together with unbreakable ties.
Another experience we had growing up was going on road trips. My parents would tell all of us to jump in the back of the pickup. We live in the country, and have a farm. So we would drive around our farm in the spring time. This was a small thing, but had a significant impact on my family. It became a fun thing, and we would sometimes hang off the tailgate and drag our feet in the gravel (not the safest thing). This was a great opportunity for us to develop a deeper level of intimacy as siblings because we spent a significant amount of time together.
Work is a way to develop intimacy in your family. My Mother always says, "Work is so much fun." Her attitude towards work helped us view work in a different way. Although we did not always love it. I remember working out with the cows since I was really young. I secretly was scared of cows but did not want my Dad to know that, because I wanted to show him that I was brave. My Dad taught us how to overcome our fears, and to work hard. Learning things with other people can create a deep attachment.
Every year during Christmas time we would go as a family to sing Christmas Carols to the Elderly. Sometimes as kids we did not originally have a good attitude, but once we got there and saw there happiness joy entered our hearts. It was so fun to make other people happy, we found that service brought us true happiness.
I have shared a few experiences and I hope that you have noticed something. Intimacy is built up over time. It is built up by the small and simple things. It is important to create patterns of intimacy. Patterns are designs repeated, and likewise in our families we can choose the design and repeat it throughout the years. As you can see in my examples they are all completely different, but they have a pattern of spending time together, service together, work, being vulnerable, sacrificing etc. Looking back I am grateful that my wise parents took the time to make opportunities for us to choose to draw closer together. Each and every day we can seek out opportunities to build those intimate relationships with the people we care about. It is a join effort between individuals, and in our families in requires effort from the children and the parents. I love what Sister Hales said, "Thee lift me and I'll lift thee and we'll ascend together." We can lift each other through our kindness, selflessness, and showing our love in small and simple ways. This is what creates a good base of intimacy.
My family is my "base of intimacy"; when we have a base of intimacy we are able to grow, progress, and become the best we can be. God is the reason I have this base of intimacy, he blessed me with a loving family, and opportunities to strengthen my relationship with them. I see my base of intimacy as a shelter from the storm; when difficult situations arise in my life I have that foundation to fall back on; On the contrary, when life is good, I can share that Joy with my family. The Family can become a place of comfort, strength and fortitude that helps us to take flight into the unlimited possibilities of Eternity.
Application: Strive to strengthen a relationship with someone this week.
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